Post-trip blues

Been struggling with 'reality' since back from the climbing trip. It's much worse than im prepared for..and doubts keep increasing in my head. And i started losing direction again. Doubts about yourself. Doubts about certain decisions you've made. Doubts about life. As much as i would like to take an escape approach like i used to in the past- run away, indulge in certain activity/forms that makes you forget about things temporarily or feel better for the moment, or even come up with 101 excuses with yourself, i know this is not addressing to the issue at all. Or perhaps, im still clear-minded to judge what's not going to help. Gave up talking about it as well...find it harder and harder to comeup with enough courage to talk about things and later on, needing to explain myself. Many a times, what's really happening, what is felt at the moment, what is thought at that moment etc differs from the next thought, next feeling. It's hard to find a congruent which i myself would like to have. Thinking and trying to find out the causes and reasons why it's like that everytime it occurs. Tires me out.

Keep thinking of the easier way out - giving up. Give up on everything. Haha...most of the time a momentary thought. It's not possible. I dont want to give up. I know i will regret it eventually. It's not like me to give up without putting up a fight. But then again, perhaps i've fight too much its draining my energy away to hang on. See how it goes...
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Been some time since i feel this familiar 'nice' feeling. When everyone sitting around you sends you the same kind of 'frequency' if not even more. It feels really good. Everytime i attend such course or seminar, this 'great' and familiar feeling nv fails to surface....and everytime, it seems to be telling/reminding me about something. Coincidentally, everytime this occurs when i am feeling the most doubtful about myself and my job. What is it telling me? Where do i belong? Sighz....something that never gives me an obvious sign. I know its all about decisions, decisions, decisions...............
Too many things to decide!!! Commitment!! Responsibility!!

I need a break...AGAIN?!?!?! No way..........until dec, i need to hang on. No time for such stuffs at the moment....*struggle* No! i am not procrastinating!! Just that i couldnt afford to think about this at this very crucial and demanding moment when i need 200% of myself to be there!
I know many of you are also facing similar issues and stuffs in life, please do jiayou too. =) We need to fight through this!! CHARRRRGGGEEEEE! *pant pant*