Giant caterpillar

Been such a long time since i had such nightmare. Dreamt of a giant poison caterpillar by my window that stares at me with its big red horrible eyes....*errrr*. And i thought im having a fever again, but no i did not. *phew*

Went to consult the in-sourced programmers for some 'exchange of ideas session' this morning. Goto say, tho we're in the same coy, their work environment is so much more in the frontline. As if they are having exercise! (coz the 20 of them in a server room while i actually have my own 'rm'!) How i wish i could have an expertise their level over the night, in addition to doing PM and stuffs. Either im slow, or just plain lacking of smtg in my brain. Cant seem to absorb everything and be an expert within like...a week, as expected of me. Learning all the indepth comms, equipment standards and design, new and adv programming languages and platforms, PM matters and etc on my own. Its like throwing you into the sea when you do not know how to swim and no1 will be there to help you. Many a times i feel like an idiot. Esp. when its like..."duh?!?you mean you really do not know this...!?" and i go..."yes, i do not know...". lol. But then again, what's the pt of acting that i know when i really have no idea?! Tho such honesty is not consider a good thing at workplace, smhw, i feel glad that i admit to my stupidity. At the v. least, im being true to myself.

Somehow, im happie that im doing all the shitty and extra stuffs in addition to my work scope. Just that it leaves me with no time at all to get dw to my work. Think im still too slowwww. I goto move at an even faster pace! BUT!! cant seem to efficiently finish my work. Learn learn learn! Procrastination? I did little work when im home tho i noe i shld spend the rest of my time working. 1 side of me is fighting to go all out and just pia, while the other is pulling me back asking me to take a break and rest.....

Got my medicine after lunch. Havent had such deeeeeppp sleep since so long ago. Realised i only fully rest when im on medication. Ate the med and bom! Concussed like 4-5 hrs straight. My body was so heavy i couldnt move it tho i tk i wokeup earlier..so i got back to lala land till im able to move. lol. And when i woke up, its soooo dark and quiet, mind blank. A little difficulty getting back to 'life' when i opened my door. Too deep a sleep. lol. Think its time to start getting back to work again, dun feel right to be resting.....or perhaps mc is a good time to catchup!!! Japat Japat!!