Lost in space
- one -
Spent today like a typical urban dweller. Had my lunch, watched a movie, window shop, dinner, chats, home, tv and etc. Find it meaningless. Somehow, got a voice telling me that this is not what i should be doing. This is not my life. This is not who i am. And i feel very wasted. I feel i shouldnt be feeling the way i should now. I feel i shouldnt be settling for things i am now. I feel i shouldnt be living my life the way it is now. I feel like i've failed myself and im guilty of it. Haha...perhaps many would think im crazy, always having so many thoughts and feeling so much; thinking too deeply into things. But, it seems like i cannot accept myself settling for a life that is comfortably acceptable..a life that my desires are all suppressed, hopes are all crashed, wants are all given away, energy drained away by reality. Think i've reached retiree-mood too early. Perhaps i've rested too much that i just lie comfortably there where i fell, and feeling alright to not having stuffs in life that i forgot to wake up to who i was.
I wonder where i've gone. Guess im still the same old mi - who isnt 'easily happy' by nature.BUT im easily happy when surround by nature. =P
Do what u want when u want it. GO out and make a difference. Spend every min of ur life carefully. Do what ur heart tells u to. Hmm....this step, to dragging myself out of the comfortable position in a flowerbed seems to be the hardest thing at the moment.
- two -
Jap class starting tml, just realised both lessons 'eat-up' 2 of my climbing days. *sadz* To add on, went back to coach coz' feel i should make use of my skills to do something instead of wasting it. Unlike job finding when i find myself kinda skill-less to do anything. And it ate up another 2 days of the weekdays. That means, i can only climb either on weekday afternoon, if not weekends, which are obviously much more ex and nobody's climbing. MEANING, i can only climb alone at asia from now on..*sadz* guess u win some u lose some bah. BUT, coaching was nv above my priority for climbing *sighz*. Looking at my schedule now...I dont see much of my climbing beanie!!! *sadzz*
Spent today like a typical urban dweller. Had my lunch, watched a movie, window shop, dinner, chats, home, tv and etc. Find it meaningless. Somehow, got a voice telling me that this is not what i should be doing. This is not my life. This is not who i am. And i feel very wasted. I feel i shouldnt be feeling the way i should now. I feel i shouldnt be settling for things i am now. I feel i shouldnt be living my life the way it is now. I feel like i've failed myself and im guilty of it. Haha...perhaps many would think im crazy, always having so many thoughts and feeling so much; thinking too deeply into things. But, it seems like i cannot accept myself settling for a life that is comfortably acceptable..a life that my desires are all suppressed, hopes are all crashed, wants are all given away, energy drained away by reality. Think i've reached retiree-mood too early. Perhaps i've rested too much that i just lie comfortably there where i fell, and feeling alright to not having stuffs in life that i forgot to wake up to who i was.
I wonder where i've gone. Guess im still the same old mi - who isnt 'easily happy' by nature.BUT im easily happy when surround by nature. =P
Do what u want when u want it. GO out and make a difference. Spend every min of ur life carefully. Do what ur heart tells u to. Hmm....this step, to dragging myself out of the comfortable position in a flowerbed seems to be the hardest thing at the moment.
- two -
Jap class starting tml, just realised both lessons 'eat-up' 2 of my climbing days. *sadz* To add on, went back to coach coz' feel i should make use of my skills to do something instead of wasting it. Unlike job finding when i find myself kinda skill-less to do anything. And it ate up another 2 days of the weekdays. That means, i can only climb either on weekday afternoon, if not weekends, which are obviously much more ex and nobody's climbing. MEANING, i can only climb alone at asia from now on..*sadz* guess u win some u lose some bah. BUT, coaching was nv above my priority for climbing *sighz*. Looking at my schedule now...I dont see much of my climbing beanie!!! *sadzz*
posted by dReamEr at
5/29/2006 10:59:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home