Random

Like an animal, lock up in a zoo; a kite who could only fly as high as the string permits; a little girl, lacking the courage to fall.

I wonder when will i attain the so-called happiness and freedom. Or i would just be wondering?
Or perhaps, this is just like what the movie Christine Vicky Barcelona conveys - a chronic illness of dissatisfaction, where one will never be contented with what one have. It's never enough. You are never satisfied. Not always true though.

Sometimes, it's not about wanting more and more, but more of because you havent gotten what you really desire. It traces back to how much you want it, chance and opportunity. How much and what are you willing to give up to attain it. Is it really worth more than what you are going to give up?

For sports, the constant fear of falling and keeping only to your lowest comfort level only hinders performance and improvement. 1 year, 3 years or even 10 years, you are only able to perform within this boundary. Sometimes, i feel ashamed of this fear, or even fear by itself. Fear is a human response towards something that has not happened..something that isnt even real, and hence uncalled for. 'What's there to be afraid of!?' 'What could happen even if you....' 'How worse can it be?'

For certain dreams/ambition/aspiraions needing time away from family and friends, are they really worth it in the end? A year or two away from family and friends could probably bring you invaluable experiences and character growth. But at the rate the world is going, even a few months away might bring you out of your loved ones lives. Maybe your best friend had changed a job, changed his/her mindset, made new friends and start to lead a different life. Your family or loved ones had adapted to your absence and your presence dont mean that much anymore. You are not updated of the latest 'happenings' to whoever matters to you. And when you are back, your realised you have added years of interesting life experiences to your life, broadened and fine tuned your mindsets. And when you looked back, you'll probably go....what a great life i have so far... You'll probably even be sharing your life experiences with pride to your friends and family and get everyone envious of your life. Then suddenly, when everyone are over the hoo-hahs and 'back' to their lives, perhaps you'll realised this portion is empty. You are not in the picture for that time you were away. (Okie...there are a zillion ways to look at this but i decide to stop here. lolx.)

Work seem to be a mindless number game. Been so bogged down by work the more i work the more frustrated i am. The chase for numbers and numbers and numbers. Everyone is going for the numbers. (such as paycheck, bonus, profits and gains etc) It feels like we are all chassis of the world. Manipulated and controlled. .. Time to knock out to be a good chassis tml....