Assertiveness good or bad
"I feel guilty when i rejected my friend who asked for help in school work as i've alot of my stuffs to clear and work to study. So i called my friend after rejecting her and offered my help. Later on, i feel bad that i neglected myself and find i couldnt finish my work instead"
"Are you important?"
"Is your work important? who is more important? You or your friend?"
"............."
"Are you as important as your friend?"
"Yes..."
"Is your work not important? If you are not going to do your work, who's going to help you?"
"myself.."
"Is your dream important? Is your ambition/dream not as important as your friend?"
"no...."
"You are as important as your friend is"
"yes.."
This conversation sparked off many thoughts in me, and many others in the room. Such situation happens so often, when we are caught in a dilemma of whether to help our friends out or spending time solving your friends problem when yourself are caught up with endless deadlines and running out of precious time.
Depending on who is more important at the point of time, either you finish up your own work first then help, or help and send your dreams dashing down the drain and have a friend closeby to borrow a shoulder.
In the workshop, they taught many skills much needed in my life. Difficulties i faced all along. How to make a decision and be firm to reject people yet not feeling bad about it. Always easier to say than done. But at least, being aware is a first step.
"Who cares what other people think of you as long as you feel comfortable with it?"
"Most importantly, you yourselves must be comfortable with yourself. If you are fine with yourself and dont see a problem, dont bother about the problem other sees you!"
Another enlightenment. Justification or excuse for one behaving in a certain way??
"It's not a problem until you see it as a problem in you. Others doesnt matter as its just a matter of perception..."
I agree we couldnt satify everybody and please everyone. Each of us have our own principles, values and beliefs. What happens when you are affected by what other people think of you? and eventually resulted in YOU finding yourself a problem in YOU??
Is this an acknowledgement of a flaw in your character which you yourself find a problem with as well? OR is it just a unstable and weak self-esteem you have that allows your confidence to be easily shaken by what others say??
"Are you important?"
"Is your work important? who is more important? You or your friend?"
"............."
"Are you as important as your friend?"
"Yes..."
"Is your work not important? If you are not going to do your work, who's going to help you?"
"myself.."
"Is your dream important? Is your ambition/dream not as important as your friend?"
"no...."
"You are as important as your friend is"
"yes.."
This conversation sparked off many thoughts in me, and many others in the room. Such situation happens so often, when we are caught in a dilemma of whether to help our friends out or spending time solving your friends problem when yourself are caught up with endless deadlines and running out of precious time.
Depending on who is more important at the point of time, either you finish up your own work first then help, or help and send your dreams dashing down the drain and have a friend closeby to borrow a shoulder.
In the workshop, they taught many skills much needed in my life. Difficulties i faced all along. How to make a decision and be firm to reject people yet not feeling bad about it. Always easier to say than done. But at least, being aware is a first step.
"Who cares what other people think of you as long as you feel comfortable with it?"
"Most importantly, you yourselves must be comfortable with yourself. If you are fine with yourself and dont see a problem, dont bother about the problem other sees you!"
Another enlightenment. Justification or excuse for one behaving in a certain way??
"It's not a problem until you see it as a problem in you. Others doesnt matter as its just a matter of perception..."
I agree we couldnt satify everybody and please everyone. Each of us have our own principles, values and beliefs. What happens when you are affected by what other people think of you? and eventually resulted in YOU finding yourself a problem in YOU??
Is this an acknowledgement of a flaw in your character which you yourself find a problem with as well? OR is it just a unstable and weak self-esteem you have that allows your confidence to be easily shaken by what others say??
posted by dReamEr at
2/27/2006 02:05:00 AM
5 Comments:
Hhhmm remember yr2 Java? Most of the weeks I would have settled my own lab assignment by Wed or Thurs and then I go all out to help you and youkai if either of you still had problems.. remember?
Did I not have anything else to do? Am I more important than my friends?
Yes I do have other important things to do but I've never quite compared whether me or my friends are more important.
There wasn't any so-called reasons as to why I went all out to help you all. I did not do any 'Cost Benefit Analysis' when it came to offering help. I helped bcos I was simply interested in Java and I just wanted to help you all get the lab assignment done as well.
So recognise that when we offer help, we should not do any 'Cost Benefit Analysis'. If you can't do that, then do it before you offer to help. If the Benefits outweigh the Costs, offer your help wholeheartedly and even if suddenly things crop up that make the Cost outweigh the Benefits, try to ignore it and stick to your decision to help.
"Who cares what other people think of you as long as you feel comfortable with it?"
This is a dangerous mentality to have because nobody is always correct. If you do something wrong but stubbornly hold on to this mentality, then you will suffer. It is important to know who are the people who will best warn you against making bad decision and care about their reactions to your actions. But it is definetly true that you have to 1st be comfortable with yourself.
"What happens when you are affected by what other people think of you? and eventually resulted in YOU finding yourself a problem in YOU??"
If you are easily affected by anybody you meet, then you have weak character and weak self-esteem. But if nobody can change your mind, then you are stubborn. Again, realise who are your best indicators of right or wrong and if they indicate that you are wrong, quickly reflect upon yourself and find out if you are really making a mistake.
By
Pangy, at 12:25 AM
bahaha...matter of perception =P
Well said.
Actually yah, at the point when you wana help your friend, actually wouldnt really think too much who is more impt, we just help. =)
Perhaps more for the comparatively 'minor' stuffs and when we've got 'more impt' stuffs to settle, THEN the dilemma comes in. Whether you'll feel 'ok' to say 'sorry, no' and do up wats more impt on hand(eg, work vs play).
=P heh heh...reminds me of sociology and HR module we took!!!
Basically yah, everything needs to have a balance. We need to only take comments seriously for people whom we trust, selectively...haa, kinda tired tkin about these when fyp is piling up tons of weight on my shoulder and mind.... lala..
perhaps a cuppo coffee by the sea would give the mind some refresher~~
By
dReamEr, at 12:12 PM
Two people are lost in the desert. They are dying from hunger and thirst. Finally, they come to a high wall. On the other side they can hear the sound of a waterfall and birds singing. Above, they can see the branches of a lush tree extending over the top of the wall. Its fruit look delicious.
One of them manages to climb over the wall and disappears down the other side. The other, instead, returns to the desert to help other lost travelers find their way to the oasis.
there are two types of people..
one who jump over the wall and shake leg..
there is one more who go the extra distance to help ppl..
Which is you?
By
Ah ming, at 10:49 PM
=) Amazing.
I like what you posted.
The answer is SO obvious, yet im in a dilemma..(suddenly feel so silly!!)
that's really enlightening. Thanks ah ming!! =)
By
dReamEr, at 12:02 AM
hee..dont we sometimes just get blinded by insignificant stuff..
self interest, monetary benefits and wat have u.
then we transform to this ugly human being.. sheesh..
keep everything in perspective ba.
dreamer jia you!
By
Ah ming, at 10:07 AM
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